By Kristy Grant-Hart
From ethikos
They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It turns out, in the quest to be a “wildly effective compliance officer”, mirroring the person in front of you may make you the most beautiful person in the room.
Mirroring word choice
One of the most powerful ways of proving that you’re listening is to use the words of the person who is speaking. Listen first for the unique words they use. Does the executive call the person who helps him or her an assistant? Secretary? P.A.? Executive Admin? Whatever word choice they use, mirror it as well. Your word choice will make the person feel that you speak their language, and they are more likely to speak candidly to you.
If a person is telling you something difficult, repeat back some of what they said and say, “Do I have that right?” While this may seem forced, people respond enthusiastically when they realize you paid attention to what they’ve said.
Mirroring body language
When people are in agreement, they naturally begin to synchronize their movements. Friends deep in conversation tend to sit with their bodies turned toward each other, hands in the same position, looking at each other intently or laughing at the same time. You can use this natural human tendency to make yourself more effective at your job.
When an important stakeholder is in your office or talking to you, subtly move your body into a similar position as the stakeholder’s. Hold your coffee cup in the same way; put your hand on your hip or cross your legs to mirror the person in front of you. As they move, continue to subtly maneuver yourself so you stay mirroring their basic position. They will feel that you understand them, because your body language will give their message back to them.
Opening up
If the person you’re talking to is angry or upset, while you can still mirror their body language, try to subtly open yourself up so you can diffuse the situation. Uncross your arms and open your palms. Psychologists have proven that this “open position” encourages communication and likeability. If you stay deliberately open, the person talking to you is likely to begin to mirror your open position, which should help with communication.
By mimicking people’s body language and word choice, you’ll be the mirror they most enjoy talking to, and that will help you to be a “wildly effective compliance officer”.
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Kristy Grant-Hart the author of the book, How to be a Wildly Effective Compliance Officer, and Managing Director of Spark Compliance Consulting. www.ComplianceKristy.com; KristyGH@SparkCompliance.com; @KristyGrantHart, https://uk.linkedin.com/in/kristygranthart
Kristy…your posting has a number of nice suggestions. It also pointed out to me something that even today I find a very weak area in terms of how people (compliance professionals or others) interact with others which could significantly help them become “Wildly Effective” in whatever role they are trying to fill.
People have a tendency to interrupt other people during conversations. Watch people in a meeting, how often do you hear someone pipe up while another person is explaining his or her position.
But here’s a better example, which I think some people may find eye opening and a bit uncomfortable. People can monitor or self assess how often they personally interrupt others. People think they know where the person is going with his or her remarks or guessing what they are going to say next. Oh don’t worry…people who do this are quick to give excuses why (perhaps a conversation we can have at one of the networking sessions at the CI as I see you are attending and speaking) rather than accept what could even be described as a less then courteous approach when having a conversation.
By making the effort to listen…and maybe taking the greater effort to restrain oneself from interrupting…people will see that you are genuinely committed to the communication process. Believe me, if you don’t interrupt someone, you will stand out because it happens so often.
Repeating back language or key terms also gives you the opportunity to welcome the person to explain themselves further, which again shows you are actually listening…but better yet…PROCESSING…what they are saying. It also provides you useful details from which you can use to better understand what is being said.
So to some of my colleagues…I suggest along the lines of what Kristy suggests…when mirroring…give the person the courtesy of allowing them to fully and completely express themselves.
Thanks for your thoughtful post and looking forward to raising another glass at the CI!
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