Be Unapologetically You

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By John R. Nocero & Jennifer L. Kennedy
JenniferKennedy@barberinstitute.org

More and more people are apologizing at work. Not expressing regret for actual violations of policy or even the human code, but saying “I’m sorry” as a way to start a sentence, such as “I’m sorry for missing that;” “I’m sorry for taking too long.” “I’m sorry to disagree.”

Well, we are sorry we are not taking you seriously because you are constantly apologizing for being you. That’s ridiculous. McGuigan (2015) says being overly concerned about pleasing people or not disappointing others can hinder your reputation as a serious leader or professional contributor. Authentic and courageous leaders make don’t apologize for their point of view or their values. They use apologies sparingly and meaningfully. They will say, “I’m sorry I missed that deadline. It won’t happen again.” Then it doesn’t.

Authentic and courageous leaders do not make “sorry” part of their regular vocabulary. When “I’m sorry” becomes a regular part of your speech pattern, it loses its value. Honestly, uttering I’m sorry” without any intention of actually being sorry and taking actions to change those things leads everyone around you to believe that you’re NOT sorry and NOT going to change. It becomes part of a larger behavior set of apathy and using “I’m sorry” as an excuse. That apathy becomes the norm and leads to an environment in which non-compliance becomes acceptable.

You lose credibility and trust with your co-workers, supervisors and organization. You know who else doesn’t care about “I’m sorry”? Regulatory bodies, state and federal government agencies, the Attorney General, OCR, and on and on. We’re sorry you didn’t know that. “I’m sorry” only matters if followed by a plan of action to correct the issue.

Being aware of making changes to your speech patterns and habits is difficult and takes constant vigilance. Have you ever tried to like, get a teenager to like, stop saying “like” every third word? It’s like ridiculous, yo. Yes, these changes will feel like your operating system is undergoing an upgrade. Like your routine is disrupted and you are like hemorrhaging intelligence as you are trying to figure it out. But you’re good in a couple weeks, loving your new patterns and routines like you loved your old ones, as your perception changes in the work environment.

Make the upgrades and do it being unapologetically you.

John & Jenn: getting rid of #sorrynotsorry in our lives and organizations once and for all.

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References
McGuigan, K. (2017). The Courage Coach. February 2017, Volume XV

4 COMMENTS

  1. I’ve one that is equally interesting.

    See how many times when you say thank you to someone…instead of hearing “You are welcome” you probably are going to hear “no problem”..

    Perhaps “You’re welcome” is fading from the typical interactions that people have where as “like” is certainly alive and well.

    Oh one last thing…you mentioned teenagers…I would make you a bet if you carefully listen to yourself or your colleagues, they may not use it as often…but they are using “like” in the same way more than they probably realize it.

    • Frank, that’s one of the things that I notice a lot too — the loss of “you’re welcome” — especially when the response back is thank YOU. At least validate the original thank you with “you’re welcome” and then if it is something worth thanking back, do it then (something thanks you for some guidance you can say “you’re welcome, and I appreciate you seeking my input”).

  2. You must be kidding. The most powerful positive words in most cultures are Please;Thank you; I’m sorry; Yes; Let me help.

    Say what you mean in positive language. Avoid the use of all negative words and phrases.
    Negative language in every culture is imprecise,
    often wrong, memorable, victimizing.

    The most damaging word in any culture is, No.

    If you’d like to be remembered negatively, use
    negative language. If you want to make peace and build relationships use positive language.

    If you’d like a more extensive discussion of this topic send me an email at jel@e911.com

  3. A judge from my hometown used to share that the world is EMPTY without these words:
    Excuse me
    May I
    Please
    Thank you
    You’re welcome

    Let’s promote them for the sake of good manners

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